Why Teens Rebel

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I have heard it more than once.  “Can you pray for my son.   He is just going through that tough time in life that all kids go through and rebel?”  It is a statement that surrenders to the idea that every kid, with few exceptions, has to go through a difficult time where they rebel against their parents.  But, why is it that so many teens seem to hit a time where they want to do their own thing, and go their own direction?

I know that every kid is different, and no doubt there are many reasons kids rebel, but I think that one reason some teenagers rebel against their parents is because their families are simply boring.  Here is what I mean…

Think about the average family for a minute.  They wake up late, leaving no time to spend together in the morning, except to argue  about who needs in the bathroom.  Then off to work and school, typically sitting in the car in complete silence, or perhaps with the radio on.  They spend their days separated, then the kids return home after school to an empty house that is full of nothing to do except passively watching TV and updating their Facebook status.   Then there is taco night for dinner, followed by dad heading off to the living room to watch TV, mom to clean the house, and the teenage son or daughter bored out of their mind heads out to hang out with friends.  When they return home, the TV is still on, like it has been for 6 hours straight.  Before everyone starts winding down and heading to bed, there is some light arguing about how there is still homework to complete.   The teenager slams their door shut, talks to their friends on the phone, sends a few (hundred) text messages, then falls asleep.   The next day, and almost every day thereafter, the same boring routine is repeated…again…and again.

Think about this routine for a minute.  It’s boring.  It’s mundane.  It lacks a sense of purpose.   And it drives kids to look for something better to do.  The trouble is they often find something more exciting in all the wrong places.

Tim Kimmel in Grace Based Parenting writes,

If we fail to address our children’s need for a significant purpose, it doesn’t mean they will necessarily end up living useless and unproductive lives.  In most cases, our lack of deliberateness in grooming their sense of purpose sends them into the future with a foreboding sense of irrelevancy and far more vulnerable to Satan’s counterfeits.

Read that line again, “Sends them into the future with a foreboding sense of irrelevancy and far more vulnerable to Satan’s counterfeits.”  That I believe is why many teens rebel.  Searching for purpose that their family doesn’t provide, they have went out looking for it, and have stumbled across something fake.  It might be a person, an activity, a substance, or something else, but they have found something that offers them greater purpose and joy than sitting around bored, watching TV all day, and arguing over homework.

What if families offered something better though?  What if families offered something that catches the imagination of their kids? What if rather than sitting glued to the TV every day, they served together in a soup kitchen once a month feeding the homeless?  What if families gave up their vacation one year to go on a missions trip together?  What if rather than ignoring each other at home, families spent time serving in their church and community together?   What if parents spent time showing their kids there is a God ordained purpose for their lives, a purpose that cheap substitutes cannot fulfill?

If this happened, I think Satan’s counterfeits would seem far less appealing to teens.  I think less kids would rebel.

I don’t want to oversimplify a complex problem.  Again, I realize that there may be many reasons kids decide to rebel against their parents and their values.  I wonder, though, if one of the reasons kids do rebel is because their families are just so boring?  Because their family lack a sense of purpose, and the counterfeits seem to offer something their family does not?  What do you think?

Kindness

We have been having a ton of fun talking about kindness in kid’s church this month.  This past week we had the kids write up a want ad for a fake newspaper, asking them to describe what an ideal kind person would be like.  All the responses were great, but this was my favorite…

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As the father of a 3 year old, who typically picks the most inopportune times to need use the restroom, I am always thankful for a kind person who gives a bathroom to the bathroomless!

This coming Sunday is the last week we are talking about kindness.  In March, we move on to courage.  Also, if you haven’t heard yet, our Sunday morning service times will be changing in March to 8:30, 10:30, 12:30 & 6:30.  So be sure to be on time!

How to Create the Best Day Ever For Your Child

The other day I stumbled across a video of Nigel Marsh at TED (http://www.ted.com/) sharing on “How to Make Work-Life Balance Work.”  This is a great video for anyone who is busy, and feels like life is out of balance, to watch… especially busy moms and dads.  It talks about the realities of achieving the perfect balance of work and family, and  how even small efforts we make can have a huge impact in the lives of those we love.  Honestly, Nigel’s dream perfect day is a little different than mine.  As a non-drinker, rather than stopping by the pub, my preference would be Starbucks with a good book.  That being said, the point of the talk is well made.  Here is the video….

If you can’t see the video click here.

Then today I came across this video at Dad-O-Matic (http://dadomatic.com) that shows Nigel’s principle in action.  It demonstrates how a little effort from a dad can light a kids face up, and turn something as simple as a birthday cake into a lifelong memory.

If you can’t see the video simply click here.

The small things we do can make a big difference can’t they?  They small things really do matter, especially to our kids.

What is a small investment you can make in your child today?

Helping Kids Succeed

Kids are pretty stinkin’ amazing.  It blows my mind what they are capable of.  In fact, if you asked me what the biggest mistake I have made in children’s ministry is, I would tell you it is underestimating kids potential.  Whether it is memorizing scripture, raising money for missions, serving in ministry or whatever else, I don’t think kids are pressed to their full potential.  Too often they are simply minimized and marginalized.

That being said I also realize that kids also need help, and lots of it.  They need people speaking into their lives.  People coaching them.  People teaching them.  People mentoring them.  Sometimes, like the kid in the video below, they need someone to give them a little help…

If you can’t see the video click here.

Again, sometimes kids need that extra push, the extra encouragement to do their homework, or read their Bible.  They need involved moms and dads, and children’s pastors who care about them.  They need Sunday School teachers, and Royal Ranger commanders.  They need people who will help them reach their full potential and to figure out their problems.

The trouble is most people don’t take the time to speak into children’s lives.  Maybe it is because they don’t feel like they are good with kids, or maybe it is because they think they are too old to relate to kids.  Whatever the reason, it’s wrong.  The reality is kids need introverted non-wild people speaking into their lives just as much as they need the super kid friendly people.  They need more than just their friends and their parents generation speaking into their lives, they need to hear about the experiences of people from every age in the church.

In Deuteronomy 6 Moses states, “Hear O Israel, The Lord Our God The Lord is One….These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children.”  Did you notice how this passage starts?  Moses begins by saying “Hear or Israel.”  Yes, this would have included parents, but it would have included everyone else in the community as well.  Raising a kid, although primarily the parents responsibility, was designed to be community event. But, again, too often often it doesn’t happen.  The trouble is most people in the church don’t take the time to speak into children’s lives.

What about you, when was the last time you spoke into a child’s life?  When was the last time you gave a kid a little help and guidance?

How to Help Your Child Make Wise Media Decisions

There is a lot of junk out there for kids to absorb.  TV, music, movies, video games, the internet are all have messages, both good and bad.  So how do you help your child decide what messages are okay to listen to, and which should be ignored?  Here are a few ideas….

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1. Plugged In Online –  There are a several good sites out there that review media, but one of my favorites is www.pluggedin.com.  Plugged In Online provides reviews for movies, videos, TV, music, video games, you name it.  This site, which is put out by Focus on the Family, highlights the positives and negatives in each of its reviews, including whether there is swearing, sexual or inappropriate scenes, spiritual content, and more.  In my opinion, Plugged In Online gives parents a balanced perspective to help them decide what their kids should be tuning in to.

2. Parent Link – This resource is put out by Calvary (with the help of Group Publishing) almost every month.  Each issue is packed with articles containing all sorts of parenting advice, but there is always a page dedicated to reviewing new movies, music, and video games.  Look for a new edition in your bulletin this week.

3. Talk to Your Kid – No fancy website or brochure here to help you as a parent guide your kid to making wise media choices, just old fashioned conversation.  Perhaps rather than just flat out telling your kid they can’t watch that TV show, or go see that movie, take the time to explain why.  Explain your convictions.  Bring your faith into the conversation.  Don’t just control your child and tell them they can’t go, but take the time to fully explain why you are taking this stance.  Try to win them over to your opinion.  Try to influence them, not just control them.

4. Limit Your Child’s Media Intake – Even if the content isn’t bad, the quantity can still be harmful.  Some studies show that the average kid spends 8 hours a day consuming media!  Impose some boundaries on your child’s media intake.  I know one family that had a rule that for every minute their kids wanted to play a video game, they had to read their Bible for a minute before they even picked up the controller. Tell your kids to turn off the TV and go outside and play, to go read a book, or to actually go hang out with a friend as opposed to “talking” to them on Facebook all the time.

These are just a few quick ideas for making sure your kids make wise choices when it comes to the media they consume.  What else can parents do to limit the poor media influences in a child’s life?

Big Issues

Kids may be little in size, but they face some big issues.  These are just a few of the prayer requests submitted by kids at Calvary this past Sunday….

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Okay, so maybe the cat staying safe outside isn’t the biggest issue in the world.  It is a big concern to that kid though.  But, cancer, family fighting, bullying, unspoken?  Our kids face some big problems.  Why don’t you take some time to pray for some of our kids this week?  Or better yet, why don’t you pray for them and consider being a part of a child’s life?

Again, these kids are facing some big challenges in their lives, and they need someone who is going to be a voice into their life.  Someone who can tell them that they are there for them, more importantly that God is there for them, and that they never have to face these things alone.  They need someone to offer guidance and direction.   They need someone to teach them about faith, following God and all about life.

Will you pray for our kids?  Will you get involved in one of their lives?  They need you to.

Why 1 to 7 Teacher/Student Ratios Are Killing the Church

My church has one, and odds are yours does too.  Most churches have a set ratio of the number of teachers/leaders/volunteers they require in a classroom for every certain number of kids.  In my church the ratio is 1 teacher for every 7 kids (except in the nursery where it is 1 nursery worker for every 4 infants).

Churches recruit for their ministries based on ratio’s like these.  “Parents, we could really use some help in kid’s church.  We have 30 kids coming, but just two people helping out…so we are reeeeaaaaally short staffed.  We need at 2 or 3 more people.  Can you help out?”  The trouble is using a 1-to-7 ratio is far too low, at least if you want the kids in the church to be lifelong followers of Christ.  According to Lifeway Research:

Teens who had at least one adult from church make a significant time investment in their lives….were more likely to keep attending church.  More of those who stayed in church – by a margin of 46 percent to 28 percent – said five or more adults at church had invested time with them personally and spiritually.

Did you catch that?  The more people who invest in a kid from church, the more likely that kid is to stick with their faith.  We live in a day and age where countless teens are walking away from their faith after high school.  Could one reason be because we (the church & parents) have left our kids spiritual formation entirely to one person in a classroom, who is already distracted by 6 other kids, and only given them 75 minutes a week to speak into our children’s lives?

What would happen if we changed the ratio?  What if rather than trying to get one teacher in every room for every 7 kids, we made it a point to try to help parents find 5 mentors for every one of their kids?  What if every kid got more than a teacher for a single Sunday morning service, but beyond that had multiple people who were investing in “them personally and spiritually” throughout the week, the month and their life?

Don’t get me wrong, I think 1 to 7 ratios are important and needed.  They provide structure and safety for classes and ministries.  I also think that every single Sunday school teacher, kid’s worker, youth staff member plays a pivotal part in a kids’ spiritual growth.  I also think they by themselves they are insufficient.  I think that a childrens or youth worker can, and should, be an important voice in the life a kid, but it should only be one of the voices that that child hears.  The reality is though, many kids are only hearing one voice, and so many are walking away from the faith.  To put it another way, 1-to-7 ratios are killing the next generation of the church.

For Parents

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This Winter we have two great opportunities for every parent at Calvary.  First, Pastor Clark and I will be teaching a two week class addressing issues surrounding parents and their kids use of technology.  We find stats such as the average child is first exposed to pornography on the internet at the age of 12 staggering, and we want to do something about them.  So, we are going to teach this class for parents addressing issues such as how to filter content on the internet, monitor their kids on Facebook, Twitter, cell phones, the whole gamut. We’ll also be sure to leave some time at the end of each class for parents to ask any questions they like on the topic.  The class is scheduled for January 23rd and 30th at 10:15. Location TBA.

Then on February 5th Calvary is hosting a Home Improvement Ministries conference entitled “Sacred Parenting in a Not So Sacred World.” Gary Thomas is the guest speaker so it guaranteed to be a worthwhile day.  Here is a brief write-up on the conference…

In a world that is less than “sacred,” we as parents are often at a loss on how to raise kids who honor God, their parents and others.  We’re looking for easy steps to “new kids” when we may do better to look first at our own lives.  Gary Thomas, author of Sacred Marriage and Sacred Parenting, helps us understand “How Raising Children Shapes Our Souls.”  In addition to Gary Thomas’ three plenary sessions, practical workshops will round out this incredibly important day.

You can find out more about the conference by checking out this site.

If you’re a parent be sure not to miss out on these two great opportunities.

Faith Case: Investigating the Truth

For the past 9 weeks we have been working through Faith Case: Investigating the Truth in Kid’s Church at Calvary, and it has been a great experience.   This curriculum which walks through the 16 Fundamental Truths of the Assemblies of God in 12 lessons, has been engaging for the kids, easy to teach, and just might be some of the best curriculum to come out of AG headquarters.

One example of the kids liking it…. I was recently over at a family from the church’s house and asked the kids what they enjoyed most about KidZone.  One kid gave me the typical “I love the games!”, another said she loved the songs (i.e. worship), but the third said she loved Mr. Trench from the videos.  When she said she loved Mr. Trench from the FaithCase videos, both her siblings said “Oh yeah, we love him too!”  I even pressed them to see if they remembered some of the lessons, and they were able to recall everyone of them that they were there for.

If you want to pick up a copy of Faith Case, it is available from Gospel Publishing (www.gospelpublishing.com) for $120.

100 Children’s Ministry Volunteers

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A few weeks ago I wrote that Calvary had 465 people involved in ministry.  Since that post the number has actually climbed to 473, but even more exciting is that one of those new volunteers signed up to work with kids.  With this new recruit we now have exactly 100 people volunteering in children’s ministry at Calvary.

Some help with Sunday School or KidZone, some with Rangers or Girls Ministry, and a lot help with nursery, but we have 100 people who help out at least once a month (many actually serve every single week!).

Each week we have nearly 250 different kids who come through our church doors. This is obviously more kids than I could minister to by myself, so I am so appreciative of every single person who gives their times & gifts to serving our awesome kids!